In three days of healthy eating some of my smaller breakouts are clearing up, my cold sore is a scabby mess which sounds gross but means it's healing and will be gone soon, and I am down 2.5 pounds.
Sounds great so, why is this a problem? Because this is what ALWAYS happens. I had a couple of candies yesterday, and I started May with a donut, which brings me to the D word... DENIAL. I convince myself that it's okay. Look, I can eat sweets and still be fine. Never mind that "moderation" is what I am practicing here (sure it could be even more moderate than it is, but baby steps).
The upside is that I know what's in store. Last night was hard. I could feel the sweets craving come on me after I got home from work and worse after dinner. Thankfully I didn't have anything in the house that I really wanted to binge on though. I just wanted junk. I managed to dodge the bullet with sugar free gum, doing my nails and watching the biggest loser. I am currently in love with 5 gum. It comes in fun flavors - like watermelon and green apple - that I love as candy (Rips, Twizzlers, Sourpatch Kids, and JujuFruit being among my favs). There's an initial burst of sweetness and flavor that eventually dies down - it's not as long lasting as some gums, but I only chew 1/2 a stick at a time so I'm a bit of a "chain chewer". An now that I've written about all those candies, I kind of want some... gotta find me some gum!
Baby Steps: I've been doing really well on the water and eating when hungry steps, but last week (the week before?) I left off on "Write what you hear." Where the objective is to write down all the negative thoughts that are keeping me from my goals. All the negative voices and what they are saying to me regardless of whether they are "true" or not. Then, take those statements and turn the positives. I think I have been putting this one off because it is so hard to do. Not only to actually write down my inner dialogue - aka admit what I'm saying to myself in my head - but to then actually make it positive, or at least come up with something positive about myself. I've never been good at taking a compliment and to intentionally do it seems weird.
But... here we go...
Negatives: I have a tummy roll that is gross. I hate my thighs they are too big and I have ugly saddle bags. I'm flabby. I'm fat. I deserve to be fat because I have no self control. My boobs are too small. I'm lazy and I'm not doing enough to lose weight.
Positives/turn it positive: Skinny or "fat" my boyfriend finds me attractive and tells me so. I have a small waist. Only I have control over me. I am not a slave to food or the food industry or marketers of food. Those "fat" thighs power me through my runs and will continue to get stronger and slimmer. I do not gain weight over night (no matter what it might seem) and I will not lose it over night either. I enjoy being fit and strong.
Okay... that was hard, but there were some good things I need to keep in mind for the future.
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| Hotties of the future, I'd love to have the body of any one of them. |
The Numbers for May 3, 2011
1 egg + 2 whites 100
2 spelt toast 140
onions, peppers, tomatoes 40
coffee w/ dairy free creamer 10
apple 80
5.3 oz greek yogurt 80
1/2 C strawberries 25
1/3 C cereal 83
homemade veg soup 148
banana 120
granola bar 150
2 bitesize butterfingers 66
1 mini crunch bar 52
1/4 C pinto beans 60
1/4 C brown rice w/ tomatoes 75
onions, peppers, salsa 50
Total=1279
Exercise = aprox -500 (2 hours dance lesson)
Net = 779
BMR = 1300
Deficit = -521 (A little on the low side, but my legs were aching after my dance lesson, from the exercise I did yesterday too, so I really needed the break.)
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