Bitch, moan, repeat [Day 2]

I'm feeling pretty down right now. One the one hand my job irritates the fuck out of me - I was late today because I delayed getting ready. I just don't care about this place anymore - which is kind of sad because there are some good people around here.  Except for our "clerk." Seems like she's on strike today. The phone has rung twice and she's ignored it. I've had to walk over to the front desk twice now to take care of people because she's in the back ignoring them. I get it, she doesn't want to be here anymore than I do. Whatever. Get over. I shouldn't have to do her job and mine.

I'm also in a pissy mood today because I feel like an ugly freaky gross thing.My case in point:

• I went running yesterday and I could just feel the fat on my thighs wobbling with every stride.
• I have a belly roll I can grab onto. I can feel it jiggle when I do cardio. It's gross to feel you fat when you exercise.
• I have a stupid coldsore. Yep, gross, disgusting HSV-1 on my mouth. It's the second time in a month.
• I'm breaking out. My skin hasn't looked this bad in a long time. Combined with everything else I feel ugly. Just that, unattractive and ugly.

I know this is a direct result of my super crappy diet of late. I've gained the weight back I worked so hard to get off and about twice as fast. I just found out that not having enough Lysine in your diet can cause cold sores to come out (if you get them, you always have the virus, it just isn't always causing cold sores).  Having too much Arginine in your diet causes your body to not absorb what lysine you do get. Guess what has alot of arginine? Chocolate. and Peanuts. Guess who's been living off of candy lately? Especially chocolate, and butterfingers, and baby ruths? That'd be me.

There is nothing on this earth that makes me feel more unattractive than skin problems. Acne is bad, cold sores are worse. I feel diseased. I know like 1/4 of people have HSV-1, most people get it from a family member, and that it actually can keep you from getting HSV-2 (genital herpes). But that doesn't make me feel any less like a leper with a nasty boil on my lip. My abreva doesn't seem to want to do the trick this time either. I could feel it growing last night since I didn't sleep well (coffee at 7pm was a bad idea) and I woke up with baby boils all around it - YUCK!!!

So, I found this website about natural remedies - that's how I found out about lysine - and another about home remedies where people just share what works for them. So, today on my lunch break if I can make it there and back, or after work I am stopping at GNC or the Vitamin Shoppe to pick up L-lysine caps and lysene ointment. I might stop at a health food store and look for lemon balm. I'm desperate to get rid of this thing. The BF leaves for his internship on Friday, and I am supposed to spend Wed night and Thursday with him. At this rate it's going to be me in a freaking Burqa the whole time.

Okay. In other news. I didn't do great yesterday with what kinds of food I ate - I started the day with a donut, and a latte and had mid-morning snack of 4 chocolate candies. But I finished up pretty good and I exercised. Plus none of it was a real Binge. I only had the one donut I ate really slowly - it took 20 minutes, and the one latte which took me over an hour to drink. I stuck to only 4 pieces of candy instead of finishing off the bag. And the rest of the day was healthy. So, yay me! Me 1 - Binges 0.

While I was binging my little heart out this past week, I wasn't using my JM supplements. So today I've decided to start using her Jump Start Detox and Burn. Partly to use myself as a guinnea pig for anyone else considering using them, and partly because I really hope they work : ) It was like $22 at my local pharmacy so not too pricey as diet supplements go. Their JM Calorie Control was still on clearance for $11 so I picked up more of that even though I still have alot left from not using it since Easter. But I figured I'd stock up while it's 75% off ($45 reg price!).  I'm not using it again until I've finished the Jump Start box though - which comes with 7 days (28 caps) of Detox and then 7 days of a Probiotic and fat burner. So I have only taken the first two Detox pills - with a full glass of water and then I did a cardio work out. I wonder if all this stuff has the same ingredients because I feel like it did work as an energy booster during my workout. I burned about 575 calories in 50 minutes.

The Numbers 5/1/11

Donut 350
Latte 120
2 bite size butterfingers 66
1 mini crunch 52
1 bite size baby ruth 50
6 veggie sushi  228
apple 80
2 egg whites 30
1 slice spelt bread 70
1/2 oz cheese 40
apple 80
Total = 1166
Exercise = - 723 (2 mile jog and 6week6pack dvd)
Net = 443
BMR = 1300
Deficit= -857