Another Baby Step: Embrace Failure [Day 21]

I began 30 Day Shred level 3 today. It was awesome! I used to think it was lame when I would just do level 3 because I felt like it, because I would do everything modified for beginners. But having done 10 days on each other level I definitely have the strength to it all (okay, mostly all)! I definitely noticed a difference half way through level 2. There were moves that I couldn't do with weights that by day 10 on the level I was using weights. Others I moved from modified to real moves. So I know I am gaining strength and that might mean muscle too.

The scale has not dropped significantly from my binge last week. I'm at 124. BUT my clothes all fit the same as they did at 120.75. I tried on the bikini and a couple of other pairs of shorts and pants that I'd like to take with me when I visit the BF (in 10 days!). I'm hoping that they'll fit slightly better than they do now.

I know we've all heard it, that making mistakes helps us learn, but it's not easy thing to cope with. I am a perfectionist at heart. There are so many things I don't do or don't keep up with because I can't do it perfectly right away. There are few things in my life I have found (dancing, running) that I feel warrant the hard work and humiliation of working through the errors. But the sentiment is cliche for a reason... it's true. So Embrace Failure is another baby step in my journey. I was so crushed that after more than two weeks of being so good I went on an all out food bender. But once I stepped back and looked at it I was able to see where I went wrong.

I checked back on my old numbers from when I was trying to get into shape for my dance competition. I got down to 120 for dance comp (and I looked pretty good) and at one point right before I was at 119. Which means... those numbers were working. They worked slowly and I only have a month before Jamaica. But they worked. So I am going back to them minus an average of 100 cals each day to speed things up. I'm going to stick to cardio (no more yoga for awhile) on top of the 30 day shred I do in the morning. It'll mostly be running when the weather allows. I'll be exercising every day.

The other thing that was working for me during this time was treating myself to single servings of things I enjoyed almost daily. I'm going to keep the single serving low fat vegan options I've been discovering on chocolatecoveredkatie.com and have those when the mood strikes. (I made a "cupcake" yesterday that came out to 125 calories and 2g of fat). The other more fatty and sugar-filled traditional treats I like I am limiting right now (slowly they'll be reduced further). This week will be hard because we are getting free food on Wednesday and Friday this week. But, if I allow myself one treat, work it into my calorie budget and work out, it should all be good.

Another thing that I know was working was the non-food rewards that I really, really wanted. The 2 week yoga package and the shellac were great examples of things I wanted, but based on money and other things I may not have treated myself to. Unfortunately I didn't have other rewards lined up because I decided not to try the yoga package at another studio and I waited so long to get my manicure that I didn't need another. So... Lesson learned have a huge list of non-food rewards ready. At first I am going to give myself frequent rewards and then lengthen them since it should get easier to go longer with out binging with the other plans in place.

Lastly, I have decided (re-decided, I'm having a dejavu moment) to only eat at a table and not at my desk, in front of the tv or in my car. This is going to be hard. My bedroom and my car are my "secret eating" spots. But it's also become a conditioned response to want binge foods when I'm in my car and when I'm reading in my room. So, by banning eating in those spots I'm hoping to break that cycle. Not eating at my work desk will force me to go longer between meals and hopefully feel full on less.

The Numbers Monday May 30,2011
Intake	Calories
apple	80
almond butter	200
granola bar	150
pea soup	190
bread	150
black beans	120
peppers & onions	30
salsa	30
1 large egg	80
summer ale	160
vegan cupcake w/semisweet choc. Chips	125
total	1315
BMR	1300
Net	15
Burned	(1.5hr r/w)  -684
Deficit	-669

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