Happy Dance [13 days to go]

118.625!

Cue my happy dance!! I have picture of my scale, but I forgot the cord at home so I can't post it. The little line falls right between 118.5 and 118.75.  I also have a picture of my pants - some work pants that totally fit last monday when I wore them. I remember because my mom told me how skinny I looked in them and while I said thank-you out loud, in my head I was saying, but they fit well and they should be falling off. I've had them since I started getting skinny in 2006 and my boss at the time made fun of me because when I hit my low weight I held them up with a binder clip. This probably is what led to him bringing falafel in for lunch for us once a week! Well, I am almost to the binder clip stage! Instead it's two safety pins and I took a picture of how much I had to gather the waistband.

I confess I was really worried yesterday. I couldn't sleep and I just kept wondering if I was going to gain after my fast. I was listening to an old Jillian podcast with an endocronologyst who said that carbs are like sponges so when you don't eat and then have an english muffin you can gain water weight. To top it off I had a major sweets craving while trying to find a recipe to take to the BFs potluck next weekend. Food porn kind of helped. But when I finally fell asleep sometime after 1am it was to visions of brownies and cinnamon rolls alternating with pleas of "please, don't let me gain! please don't let me gain!"

You can't even believe how happy I was I practically jumped for joy when I woke and was under 119. It has been a year since I was this low. And the last time I was near it was about a month ago when I finally hit 119.5 and promptly binged myself back to 125, got to 121 before visiting the BF and binged up to 127. I am floored that I have seriously been able to avoid the sweets (mostly) and not binge (at all) and keep my calories low (1100 tops) and exercise (-800 on non-rest days). But now I have high hopes that I will be low enough for the 4th of July and low enough for Jamaica. I think I can be 115 for Jamaica. It means getting below that before the 4th of July though, and/or not gaining much that weekend. Yikes! It worries me that I can't do it, but I want so badly to get there, if not lower.

Today was another free lunch at work. I wasn't expecting to go, but it turned out to be soup and sandwiches. The soup was chicken, so pretty easy to turn down. They had veggie subs - no cheese, wheat bread, and I removed the top from the bread, 1 packet of mustard and used a lettuce leaf for the sandwich top. There were very few veggies. like 1/4 of what I would put on a sandwich, so I had two. Still, the top of the sub was the huge bread part, so I know I got rid of 2/3 of the carbs. When I was up in line the lady in front of me (not small by any means) picks up the tongs for the potato chips and says, "These are really fattening. The news said white potatoes are really fattening" as she fills on her plate. And I'm thinking, "You're blaming the potato!? And, you've been told they're fattening, but take them anyway?" I couldn't help it, I had to say something, so jokingly, I said to her, "yeah, and that oil they're fried in doesn't help does it?" and I walked away with just my sandwich. Of course, there were the normal cookies and brownies for dessert. I stared and stared at them. And the whole time I'm thinking "118, 118." Then, they brought out a fresh batch, still warm and smelling of homebaked goodness... {sigh} too bad I didn't eat any!!

MWHAHAHA! Not really too bad. I'm so happy and proud of myself. Any other day I would have said that I can be good tomorrow, or I can work it off. But you know what? No. It's today that counts. Every calorie counts. I had already built into my calorie count a Single-Lady Cupcake since I was looking for something sweet yesterday, I told myself "stay strong now, you can bake ONE thing tomorrow as long as it fits your calorie budget."

I will confess that I did take two brownies and a cookie back to my office and I put it away in tin foil I had brought for the pizza meeting that didn't happen yesterday. They are going in my freezer. My hand to god, and to all my followers, they will not be eaten until after I am home from Jamaica. 

Tomorrow I go out with a girlfriend for dinner and dancing again. So I plan on being super good during the day - I did pretty good last saturday - before going out, and this time I hear the DJ is great so I should actually burn some extra calories dancing.

Saturday I am going to fast again. I almost typed "try to fast again" because a part of me is very nervous to do it on a day at home. But, it's a challenge and I am up for it. I am going to plan my day out. The 'rents will be gone to lunch/dinner with my brother (the same stupid restaurant I've been two twice in as many months and was just at on sunday for father's day). Oddly, my conversation with my mom about not wanting to go went really well. I apologized for ditching out, but I said that in two weeks I am going to be on a Jamaican beach, now is not the time to mess up. And she totally agreed with me! She even informed me that my aunt for tuesday will be ordering me a cheese-less pizza. Wow, who knew my family was so accommodating. Where did the saboteurs go? I think aliens may have abducted and replaced them.

JLo the world's most beautiful woman? I think not! It's Miranda Kerr hands down.