Finding it easier

So, I am liking reading other people's blogs much more than trying to write my own. I prefer keeping my food journal on paper than trying to log in to blogger to do it, since I'm usually at work. But I have found some awesome blogs by reading comments and clicking on the followers of ones I like.
I know I shouldn't wish people to be unhealthy, which is why I generally just read and don't post, my conscience gets the better of me when I want to to type out a "good for you" or "you can do it" in response to people restricting or fasting or purging. But there is a part of my brain that is still saying that.
I like knowing that there are others out there who have gone through what I went through restricting in 2006 and that there are people who, like me, waiver right now in that weird limbo of wanting to be that way again, but also maybe wanting to eat normally, or even sometimes saying fuck it, I'll eat what I want (and baring the horrible guilt after doing so).
So... I am considering stopping writing. Not because I'm not here anymore, not counting, not weighing myself every day (sometimes morning and night). But I guess I prefer reading everyone else's words - I just don't feel like I have that much to say on this other than my intake/activity.

I calculated my Base Metabolic Rate yesterday. Turns out that if I slept 24/7 I would burn 1300 calories a day. So if only eat about 1000 calories a day, and exercise regularly I should be able to create a deficit of (averaging over the week) 500 a day. Some would be more because of running, some less because of not exercising.

Today I was 124.5
I was 122 a week ago, but I didn't do any exercising that week and then pigged out over valentines day. My BF made us tacos (beans for me, not meat) and I made this fudge like brownie thing for desert. We had brunch, and more tacos and pizza on sunday. I didn't even weigh myself Monday. Tuesday I was 125.5. So, I can keep the -.5 a day IF I exercise and restrict a little.

Yesterday I kept the day to about 1000 calories, but a handful of nuts put my fat way over.

Today I'm keeping to it again - I have only eaten home made food and fruits and veggies so my fat is way down today and again right around 1000. I also ran 3 miles (-300).

Yesterday I also found this article about losing muscle mass. It's aimed at body builders who want to un-bulk because out side of lifting circles that look really isn't attractive. Half the article is set up, but eventually he gets to the point. Basically in order to get lean muscles or lose muscle he says do a ton of cardio and don't do resistance on your legs - no lunges, no squats, no biking. I don't think that I have a ton of muscle on my legs, but my thighs are definitely where I gain weight. If running and other cardio is your only exercise your body can't bulk up.

I had been for the past week waking up and doing 24 lunges (12 each side), 20 squats, and 10 pushups. I had thought that because muscle burns more calories than other tissue, and the quads and hamstrings are the biggest muscles in the body I should exercise them... well I stopped that today. I did my pushups, then I added tricep dips and crunches. I am figuring with a lot of running I will get my legs slimmed down with out adding bulk. I am also going to try to cut down on my protein.

The article also says not to eat after a work out (totally opposite of what trainer - who wants to build your muscles) will tell you. If you wait 1-2 hours then your body has to use its own fat or muscle for fuel. The downside is that if you get super skinny and there isn't enough fat or muscle your body will start to use organs for fuel (thats why so many anorexics have heart attacks).

Anyway... I did last about an hour and 15 minutes after my run by stretching and showering.