Woke Up This Morning

I realized today that I have really let myself go. I can't remember the last time I exercised on a regular basis or that I didn't have some kind of junk food (candy mostly) in the house.

Two years ago I was tanned, toned, and thin. Today I way almost 10lbs more and I have gained so many inches. Three around my hips alone.

It's disgusting. I am trying to figure out where my resolve has gone. I used to work out two hours four or five times a week. I was going to grad school 6 hours a week. I used to go out dancing nearly every night. I got by on less than 900 calories and about 3grams of fat a day (usually from 1/4 serving of peanut butter). I was caffeinated and on a perpetual sugar high, but still, I looked great, I felt great. I had a sense of accomplishment. I knew that I was strong physically and mentally.

Now I'm just a disappointment to myself.

I want to get back to where I was. Where did the self control to restrict go? Where did the motivation to go to the gym go? Where did my lean clean looking self go?

I want that girl back. And I am going to work to find her again.