Arrgh... the sound of frustration

So... I had an easy plan right? Not to strenuous. I wasn't going straight to starvation mode. Just some easy fixes to kick things off... too bad it didn't work.

I do a pretty good job with my food journal at the beginning of the week. I'm all excited and determined and I write down everything even the little things. Then I slack off on the little things and by Friday I don't write anything down.

On Thursday I was great... I came in at under 900 calories. And around 12g of fat. Only to have not lost anything. And then on Saturday I had GAINED a pound even though I exercised that day. Granted it was a frustrating day on Friday. I went to dinner with my boyfriend. I was so completely exhausted I ate pizza, and some sweet potato fries.

Not drinking my calories also isn't working out so well. Coffee is probably my #1 enemy in that regard.

I have only worked out twice this week. And today I didn't get to weigh myself. I started out the day badly. I had an egg and cheese on an english muffin. It wasn't fast food, so it wasn't covered in grease... but still an egg is like 5 grams of fat and cheese is at least that. And since I didn't make it, I'm guesstimating the amount of cheese and I hate to think I'm under guessing and consuming too many calories.

I wasn't going to eat lunch, but did. And now, I'm contemplating dinner. Though I know I should work out instead and skip eating since it's 8pm.

I leave at 5am tomorrow for 4 days in Florida with my boyfriend. I spent the afternoon in Victoria's Secret trying to find something sexy to wear while we're there. And I'm a medium. A freaking medium. I also picked up a 34B bra (not from VS - so it could run on the small side I guess) and it FIT!

I'm disgusted with myself. There was a point at which I didn't quite fit an A cup and I was a small everywhere, sometimes and XS. I'm letting myself get gross and fat, and the sad thing is that I can't keep up the motivation to do anything about it.

I plan fixing my past few days of food journals and posting them. My boyfriend says that we can run every day we're in FL, so that's a good thing, but I'm concerned about the diet part.