It's amazing what a few extra pounds will do. My run last night was terrible. My shins were killing me the whole time and I can just feel the fat deposits bounce when I run. I can also feel how tight my skin is because I've gained so quickly. It's awful. At the same time though, I think it's good to feel this way. It's a motivation to get this layer off of me. Like a winter coat - I just need to shed it.
Last week I found out that I am broke - utterly and completely. I don't even have enough money in my bank account to cover my current credit card balance and I haven't even booked half of the hotels for my upcoming vacation, or loaded my travel money card so I can spend over there. I know that my BF will either be paying me back, or buying things on the vacation for us, but I still have things to get before I leave. I know that in a big way this is contributing to my depression. The BF isn't even here to help me plan. He's in Bulgaria working and I haven't heard from him since he landed. I know that I am going to have an awesome time when I go, but when I get home I have to stop spending money. Period. It sucks that I probably spent $50 on junk food and fast food while binging. Credit cards are way to easy to whip out and swipe with out really thinking about whether I have the money to spend or not. Thankfully, because I couldn't wear the dress I bought (it was too hot!) to that wedding a week ago, I can return all the shoes and purses I bought (I was already going to return some) and get about $200 back. But I have pet food to buy, and yearly vet visits to schedule and pay for, gas and groceries. I may actually have to go get a second job.
When I first met the BF I had 3 part time jobs and a social life. Now, I feel like I've lost myself. All I want to do is stay home. And now, I don't have the money to have social life even if I wanted to. {sigh} Though, I do have to say, I got a lot of joy out of tidying my house yesterday. Seeing things get pulled together and be shiny and clean afterward was a good feeling. There is still a long way to go. I want the place looking good for the cat sitter and so it's not a disaster when I get home from vacation.
Thinspo to get me through the day:
3 comments:
Being broke is truly depressing. I know what that's like.
cleaning is always a good mood changer. crank up the music and rock it out. forget about all your worries. it's a mind cleanse...nothin betta :)
The first thins pic is perfection. I'm sorry about your money situation, I've been there too and it sucks so much. I think (in my case) it did contribute to my depression because it was added stress to deal with.
i hope you have a good time on vacation :)
H
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