| Wedding planning is NOT this easy when you're doing yourself. |
When I counted all of my family and friends (which honestly, even included some of our mutual friends) I came up with 75. Which seemed like alot and I could have come down probably at least to 60 or 65. And I thought that was pretty reasonable.
FH started compiling his list while we driving one day and the "off the top of his head list" was over 100 people and he expected to add more. I flipped thinking that we were going to end up with a guest list of 400 people. I don't want to be saying these vows on one of the most important days of my life in front of 300 people I don't know and have never met. And when I pressed him about why some of these people were invited is when we would argue. I don't think a high school teacher (we've been out of HS for some time) deserves to go on the list. The home town couple who's wife's name you can't remember? I don't think so. Your father's ex-business partner? Why does he even need or want to be there? Or how about the "they invited us to our wedding" reciprocally invited couple... Just, no.
And even though we had set a realistic budget, and were able to put a cap on the guest list number (200). Which to me is still big. Bigger than I would like, for FH it means making some hard decisions about who to invite and who to cut ( his best friend's parents who he would love to have, had be cut. Selfishly it worked out well, because they are going to babysit that night so the best friend and wife can come out). It still got to the point where I was judging all of these relationships he has with people. And as an introvert with a small circle of friends (who do most of the reaching out, because I am too self conscious to) it just wasn't in my realm of understanding that you can be on such good terms with so many people. I think of weddings as a much more intimate event.
So, at the end of a second or third discussion on the topic, I finally took a deep breath, and stepped back. I just realized how completely unfair it was for to say, you're not close enough to that person, or this person. Instead, I told him I trusted him to keep it to our pre-determined head count (including vendors). Ultimately that meant that he had to make the hard choices of who to include and I could stop stressing about it. And that let me focus on other things.
4 comments:
This is why the fiancé and I are eloping. Just the two us and the officiant (and two witnesses I guess).
LOL! I considered it, but we both have family (Moms!) that would be very hurt if we had. I'm the youngest and only girl in my family and I think my mother never would have forgiven me if she were not there to see me get married.
Ah I remember those arguments... With the guest list our main rule was that if we haven't spoken to the the last year then they weren't invited.. if we invited a friend and they were to bring a +1 that person would have to be in a relationship with them for atleast 6 months.. Having a wedding is expencive, and special.. You want to share it with those who matter..
Kitty, That's a good method, and I tried to reason with the BF that way, but it just made us fight. So, I let him figure out his own criteria and it made us much happier. And, we ended up UNDER our agreed number. So win-win.
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