Weakness

Back up to 126 because of my own epic fail. I gave in to sugar on Thursday and carried it through to Friday. Not good. I don't know why the third day is so hard for me when not having sugar. Basically yesterday I had a normal breakfast scrambled egg and eggwhite, veggies, toast and water. Then the rest of the day just candy until after my run when I had a piece of whole wheat raisin toast with 1 Tbsp of almond butter. Then I finished the night out watching Fringe with more candy. Gha!! Why do I suck so much?

I've been ridiculously stressed out. I have a project and a job application due tomorrow, a homework group project due this week - I should do my part on wednesday, and a major homework  assignment due next monday. Plus I'm still trying to stick to my workout schedule and my work schedule changed slightly this week - I work evenings 2 days, and I still have choir to get to tomorrow. It's so ridiculously busy.

Zig Zagging Calories.

I figured I'd just make this part of my blog, since other people might be wondering about how I come up with my calorie goals (weather I stick to them or not is a different story). First I start with my BMR. There are calculators you can find online through google pretty easily. My BMR is 1300 for my goal weight- that's if I slept 24/7. So with breathing and walking around I would burn about 1500 at my goal weight (incidently at my current weight my BMR with walking and talking is 1600). That means I can eat 10500 calories a week with out exercise and eventually I would get to my goal weight ( except it would take me 5 weeks to loose 1 lb of fat with a deficit of only 100 calories a day, which is why I need to add exercise). So, I look at my schedule, I know that I tend to over eat on the weekends, and go out to eat on those days. I know that my resolve is strongest on Monday and Tuesday and I plan my calories accordingly. Thus, My lowest calorie days are going to be Monday and Tuesday with higher ones on the weekends and maybe one medium to high in the middle of the week.

But I base it all on BMR. This is my favorite resource for explaining BMR and your daily caloric needs based on your current or goal weight. There are links there for BMR calculators also.


Challenge

11/11 Day five: Is there any specific event you want to lose the weight for?

No not specifically. I have had in the past, but most of those have been and gone. Many I didn't make. I think the pressure sometimes causes me to self sabotage, so I am trying to just keep it to no real goal date. It would be super awesome to be under 120 by New Years.  Last year I felt so horrible in what I had to wear. It was not my smallest dress (or my largest to be fair) but I did not feel good in it at all. Also, I'd really like my interview suit to fit in time for me to get a new job this winter/spring. But that's all sort of up in the air. So really, just trying to lose at a slow reliable pace right now.

11/12 Day six: Have you ever been overweight or underweight?

 Yeah, at my highest weight in 2005 I would have been in the overweight category of BMIs being the 25-26 range. In high school I was probably borderline overweight or overweight, but not knowing my height at the time, I can't be completely sure. But looking back at pictures of me, there was definitely some baby fat there. At that point I didn't have a great relationship with food. I ate pretty much whatever I wanted. I usually skipped breakfast, had a very small lunch that my dad packed - a sandwich, 1 piece of fruit, and juice box - then I'd eat whatever I felt like when I got home - usually pretty hungry by that point - or I'd go get fast food with my friends.

I don't think that I've ever been underweight. The lowest I've ever gotten is 113 which occurred after a long bout of bronchitis in 2008 when I was existing mostly on fruit and fruit juice and sleeping all of the time when  wasn't hacking up a lung. But 117 was pretty normal for me just before and just after - until I got 3 part time jobs and a boyfriend all with in a few months of each other. Then my weigh started going up and up. Now it might be considered "normal" and in the "healthy" range. But it feels too big for me.


11/13 Day seven: Do your friends and family know you are trying to lose weight?

Kind of. My BF definitely knows I am not happy with this weight. And he's seen me at a lower weight that I prefer. My family tends to think I'm pretty tiny when I'm anywhere in the 120s and lower. They pretty much assume I am maintaining.


Week Two!
If you broke your unhealthy habit for one week, congratulations! Why not try two weeks?

Unfortunately I did not. I barely even lasted two days. The rest was candy city. I am definitely going to try again and to that aim I have the following plan:

1. Have a stock of diet soda in the car - just one 12 oz can allowed in the car on the way home. Since this is when  I tend to have my strongest cravings, all due to really bad habits of when I binged in my car.
2. If that doesn't help, I must wait until I get home - there are plenty of sweet things in my house I do not need to buy something on the way home.
3. After my afternoon run I will have a  "milk shake". It tastes like an indulgence, but it's totally healthy - I've even stopped adding the stevia to it. I am hoping that if I know  I am allowed to have that I will not want to go buy anything else.
4. If the milk shake still doesn't curb my craving I may make one of Chocolate Covered Katie's recipes, provided it will fit into my calorie allotment.
5. I will allow myself a bagel and cream cheese on Tuesdays ($1 tuesdays!) which is essentially sugar as it's white flour, and a single serving of pretzel m&ms or some other low fat or high quality candy on Fridays if I sit down and watch Fringe.

Weekly challenge: Get organized! This week try to plan tomorrow’s meal the night before.
This is something I can do. I used to be much better at it than I have been lately. Because I can't seem to get a handle on all the work I have coming in. Every time I think I've "caught up" I get behind again. I think I will feel way better if I plan meals though.

Today's plan and so far so good = 1/2 a pb&j for breakfast; 2 C soup and a handful of almonds for lunch; apple, grapefruit, appricots for snack, "milk shake" egg white and hummus for dinner. The values of all of that are in my diary at MFP if anyone wants to add me as a friend they can see it. I may add s

Tomorrow the plan is almost the same - bagel & egg whites for breakfast, 1C soup, 1/2 C rice, almonds for lunch, fruit for snack, "milk shake" after my run and pb &j for dinner.

11/14 Day eight: Name 5 things you like about your body (you can do it) and the one body part you’d like to change the most.

1. I like that my boyfriend likes my butt. I wish it weren't so wide, but who am I to tell him he's wrong.
2. I like my lips (even though that's more of a face feature than a body part).
3. I like my feet even though they're kind of big (size 8) I think they look nice.
4. I like my collar bone. I seem to always have had one that stands out. Even at my heaviest I liked my collar bone.
5. My favorite body part is my chest - my boobs. Whether they are big or small I think they're perfect.

The body part I'd like to  change the most are my thighs. I'm pear shaped regardless of how much I weigh and I'd love to get rid of the saddle bags. Some day when the BF marries me and we have a boatload of cash (yeah right!) I want to get the kind of lipo where they take out the fat from one place and put it some place else. I'd totally have it taken out of my thighs and put into my boobs (yeah, I love 'em, but I'd still take bigger ones, I'm pear shaped after all!)