Long Time, No Post

So things have been a little hectic since I got back from vacation. First off - Spain and France were awesome!  I had never been to France before so that was pretty exciting. And for the most part (maybe 1 or 2 exceptions) the people were super nice. So much for that "the French hate everybody" stereotype. Though, they definitely don't like to speak English. I can now imagine what it is like for foreigners in America, when someone is jabbering at you in a language you don't understand even though they know you don't understand it. I can't tell you how many times we'd ask "Parle vous Anglais?" and they'd say "no... french french french stuff" with us just looking at them like idiots. Oh well, it was still fun and we had a good time with it. It's amazing how well you can get by with pointing, nodding, and knowing "yes," "no," "please" and "thank you" in their language.

The BF and I had some good conversations while we were on vacation, though it took us awhile to get to it. I think we were both wondering if this was the end. The short of it is that we're both afraid. We're both so afraid of "commitment" that the other can't read us to know if we're committed. I hide behind "I'm a girl and it's not my job to call you, you're supposed to be the gentleman and do all the work" and he hides behind "I've been burned before." So, basically we told each other what we each need in order to know that the other person is in it for the right reasons. I need him to call me often and talk to me about the mundane things. I don't like hearing a week after the fact that he had lunch with a ex-colleague and made some networking progress, because he thinks it's not "newsworthy" it's just "everyday stuff." And I need him to be more obvious about what kind of future he wants with me. Hinting at having me move with him by asking me where I've thought about moving to, is not the same as saying, I want you to come with me when I graduate. I also have to understand that he doesn't want to do all the work and I have to meet him half-way. (Though, the stubborn part of me is, like, I text you all the f-ing time! But that wouldn't fly with me if it were him, so I am making an effort.) And I have to work on my depression - I have to work on having my own life. Not that I have wrapped myself up in him, like I have with other boyfriends (his friends became my friends, his hobbies, my hobbies, etc) I've just put my life on hold waiting to see what happens with him. Of course at this point inertia has set in, and it's hard to motivate myself in that direction. It's easier for me to focus on running, working out, and eating healthy than it is to look up jobs, internships, start my own freelance business. But, I've been trying. I've gone out a few times since we've gotten back and I've started up my running again - doing couch to 5k so I'll be reading for a race in November.

Of course, I came home to a mountain of bills. I am not used to being broke.  I am hoping that being this broke will mean that I can convince myself not to spend money on binge food.  My goal is to only buy produce and perishables until everything I already have - frozen meals, staples like rice and pasta - is all gone. That should save me a lot of money and hopefully keep me from eating too much.

Of course, I did not do well on a diet while vacationing. Basically it was croissants, and bread every day for every meal. And in Northern Spain they have "bravas" which are like french fries but way better and tastier and with way yummier sauce than plain ketchup. And Gelato... everywhere. So yeah, bread and gelato every day for 2 weeks made Seeking a fat fat girl.  Coming home with a million things to accomplish, no time to do them, and feeling super down on myself (yep, still depressed) made binging all too easy. And then before going back to work, I realized that none of my clothes fit! I mean none. I actually had to dig into my goodwill bags and take out some old stuff just to get by - it's horrible. But at least it's motivating.  

I got back on the bandwagon finally again on the 12th and I've dropped 6lbs of water weight in 5 days. I still would like to get rid 16 more before Halloween so I can either do the Black Swan idea with my friend (she'd be the White Swan) or so that I can fit into an old Harem girl costume I made back when I was actually skinny. The next 6 should go with a normal amount of effort and no binges in the next couple of weeks. The final 10 though are going to take a concerted effort.  Especially with halloween candy being in my face around every corner come October.  I want to keep going after halloween too. But right now the goal is to fit back into my work clothes.

I've tried really hard to catch up on all your blogs, though I didn't have a ton of time.  Fall is crunch time at work, and I'm sharing an office more than usual because of it. Plus I came home to two freelance projects and the start of a new semester of classes. I actually have an assignment I have to finish today, I've started it, but it needs a ton of work. So, I apologize that I didn't comment, and if I don't comment much in the next month or so, things are just crazy right now.

Lottie X- sorry I was away when you left your question... the single lady cupcake will depend on what you put in it (apple sauce vs. oil, chocolate chips, etc). But mine usually comes to 170 - but I look at all my packages for calorie amounts.