Square 1

So, I'm out of the office that I share, but the down side of that is that I'm on the front lines answering all the stupid questions that people have. I don't know what's worse - doing this, or being in the office that I share and not being able to go to my blogs and generally waste time on the internet.

The week after my dance competition was a terrible spiral of binging and I have done in all my hard work. Literally, it wasn't just the weekend, tho it started that way with dinners out and candy on all the tables at the competition. From there it just got worse and worse.

I know that a huge problem of mine is stemming from my mother being in town. I am not used to it and I hope she leaves soon. I know this is terrible to say. I love my mother and we get along perfectly well, but I need her out of the house ASAP. Nothing is where it is supposed to be. She makes me feel bad for wanting the TV to do an exercise dvd instead of letting her watch oprah while she eats. She thinks she doing me a favor by cooking but it's the same thing every day. She says she'll do my grocery shopping, but she doesn't buy enough for a week and doesn't go back to get more until I ask her. As much as I don't like grocery shopping it's almost more of a pain writing out exactly what I need, what it's called, what it looks like, the size. She brought a cat with her too, which is driving my cats nuts. And she only blames mine for the growling and hissing, though clearly her cat is also participating. I can't complain she owns the house I just live there and take care of it 8 months a year while she's gone. I could move out, but she throws a fit when ever I mention it and I don't really want to start paying rent - I'd have cut out all my voice and dance training to pay for it.

So in my frustrations of not having my place to myself anymore. I buy food, lots of it and junk and then hide in my car or my room and eat it - usually all of it. Sometimes I have been able to purge, but not always because if I am at home then my mother wants to chat to me. We talked weekly on the phone, but she's a mom and now that I'm around she must be with me all the time.

Which means I am back to the beginning.

I have broken April down into mini goals to attempt to break the binging habit:

No eating in my car. Only eating alone if it is a real meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner). All else must be in front of other people. No going into the gas station, or convenience store. For the first two weeks limiting my soda consumption to diet (yeah, I went to regular for a week!) then switching to water. Limiting any "junk" to 10-20% of my calorie limits.

I've also been reading a book that I am hoping will shed some light on my situation. So far it's very good and very enlightening.

Me before:

Me soon: