The Pattern

One of the dumb things I do when trying to lose weight is self-sabotage. It's not like I consiously think, "hey, I'm going to fuck myself over right now so it's even harder to reach my goals."

It's more like I do well for a day or a few days and drop a few pounds. And it's like a premature "success" light goes off in my head as if I've reached a goal when I haven't really. But my brain still starts giving me mental high fives and saying things like "see, you got this" "no problem, this is easy" which somehow along during the course of the day translates to "you totally deserve candy" or "some chips are totally fine, cuz you got this" the absolutely terrible "you'll work it off later" starts going through my head.

The next thing I know I'm on the couch watching tv with soda, chips, and candy. And I regain whatever I lost that put me in such a good mood.

So, Friday I was really good. After blogging, it was really on my mind, that I'm trying to improve my diet and so I actually made my own dinner instead of eating junk, and I stopped after that, and I even logged my calories into MFP.

The great part was I was just a little bit hungry when I went to bed, very hungry when I woke up, and down 3 pounds!

I did really great with breakfast and even lunch to some extent and then I was thinking how good a diet coke would be with dinner. I had stopped myself from buying one during the day by reminding myself I had said "no more bringing junk into the house."  I needed a few things from the store, like garbage bags, so I headed out & figured a diet soda would'nt hurt, and some twizzlers wouldn't be that bad.

So as I'm winding my way through the store I'm thinking, I knew this would happen. This is what I always do. I also kept thinking, you said no junk & that I did a great job earlier.  And then I thought, what would kill this craving? I really just wanted snacks and a soda. So I ended up buying my garbage bags and some soda water. LaCroix has started making some crazy flavors, but I got a lime, and a cherry tropical from an off brand. They're just carbonated water and fruit flavor.  Then I came home and had snacks for dinner. Pretzels and hummus, popcorn and dried cranberries.

So, yeah, I ended up on the couch with something that wasn't a great choice. I probably should have had vegetables or something, but it was not nearly as bad as it could have been and that's a big step in the right direction.

P.S. Thanks to Miranda and Kitty for the comments & to anybody else who still comes by this blog after such a long hiatus. I'm going to try to be better. Already it's kept me a little more accountable these past few days.