In the Extremes

Thank you Kitty and Burning Bridge Brigade for commenting on my last post.

I've been thinking alot lately about how living an either/or life is really difficult.  At some point as I was losing my weight the first time, and hanging out with an ex-boyfriend, we were in a bookstore and we sat down to read this personality book. One section was for your zodiac sign and it basically laid out that Aries swing between all or nothing extremes and that balance is very hard for them.  Now, I don't hold that it is just an Aries trait, but I am an Aries, and even then (since I was at the time restricting pretty heavily) it totally rang true to me.  It still does. I have two modes -- restrict everything, have strict "bad" food lists, exercise a ton OR constantly eat junk, go out to eat all the time, drink alot, and sit around not exercising.

Even when I don't want to be that way I struggle with the mentality. This past week I have really tried to be good. I have gotten to the gym (except yesterday because I thought my travel vaccines might give me a problem) and I've been eating about 1600 calories.  Back in the day that seemed like a lot. And I am having to fight the thoughts that say I can restrict further. But, I've been using my VivoFit to track my actual calories, and on an exercise day I burn 2100 to 2300 calories. So by keeping to 1600 I know I'm getting a deficit to lose a pound a week (I've lost more, but I'm sure it's water weight).

Yesterday I didn't work out. I got a Meningitis and a Yellow Fever vaccine for a trip I'm taking this summer, one in each arm & I had read about bad reactions so I decided to take it easy and not actually work out. I did go for a walk though. My total daily calorie burn was somewhere between 1700 and 1800 calories so I kept my intake to 1200. Damn! was it hard. One part of my brain really wanted to pile on the food & the other part of my brain said "you know it's okay if you stop at 1000."

Recognizing this tendency is the first step. Interrupting it has been harder. My first step was removing the junk food from my kitchen counter. I sealed it all up and put it in the pantry. I read an article (which of course I can't find now to link it to you) that showed that just making it harder to get at junk food will slow us down, make us eat less of it. And that is my goal -- moderation, coming to the middle of the spectrum where I can eat it, but not over do it.

The next step was when I did want something not great for me (I am really into baked beans and chips right now, don't ask me why, I can't tell you where it came from, but it is delicious) I allowed myself to have 1 serving. I measured my food, and the chips I counted out based on the nutrition information and then I put the bag away. I put the left over baked beans in a container in the fridge. And I logged the info into MFP.

It wasn't easy & I totally wanted to go back for more, but I didn't. I reminded myself I could have another serving tomorrow if I really wanted. (You know I did!)

Yesterday I was coming up on my 1200 calorie mark, and I had the option of eating some chocolate to finish it out, but I went for an apple, oddly enough because it was MORE calories. One 50 calorie chocolate or a 90 calorie apple. The Apple got me to my 1200.  I also put all my healthy food front and center of the refrigerator. So that I see them first. I know that I'm always going to choose the apple, but every time I do that's a good thing.

So, it's been working for a week & I hope that I can keep it up. The one thing that IS a problem, is that this is how I do it when I am living alone. When my husband is around I cook for him, and I do not know how I'm going to manage when we are back together in two weeks.

There is also the fact that I am going to be visiting family soon which will probably translate to a lot of eating out.... I'm trying to make this next week, before I see them, as healthy as possible and hopefully make it through.