I am pretty much still hovering at 122, going up on the weekends when my lazy butt just wants to sit in front of the tv and eat. But it's coming down during the week when I am on my usual work out schedule healthy diet.
I have recently met two of my fitness goals. The "spiderman" pushup and the one leg pushup. I did them un-modified yesterday. I even managed to get my knee to my elbow on the "down" part of the spiderman pushup. I am so sore today! My arms, chest and obliques really got used on those. So that makes me really happy.
I am noticing that even though the scale is stuck around 122 (a little more on mondays) my clothes are still fitting well. I am back into all of my work clothes. So I've been wearing my nice pencil skirts and all my pants. Which is a huge relief. Last fall I had to rotate the same 2 skirts, 1 pair pants, and 1 dress every week. It was aweful. Especially since the skirts were ones I had put into the donate pile for being too big. Thank goodness those are put away. I still wear the 1 pant and the dress sometimes. The dress is flowy and forgiving. It looked fine before it just looks better now. The pant I need a belt with or it looks super baggy, but they are the only pair of "short" pants that don't hit my ankle so I can wear flats with them. They are a Banana Republic size 4 stretch.
I still have a pair of BR size 2 that I am trying to get into. I bought them on that awesome sale in January and while I've gotten close I'm still not 100% happy with how they fit. I'm going to have to get into them soon (wear them tight maybe?) because they are lined and a heavier fabric so by spring they will be out of season and go into the winter clothes box.
I went to H&M a week ago to try on some summer dresses - they have a super cute shirt dress (not on thier website) that is black with red and orange cherries, short sleeves and a collar. It is super cute! And a 4 fit with a little bit of room - no twos on the rack, so I'm just going to get the 4 with a coupon. I also tried on another dress - sleeveless a-line, blue with white stars in a 2. It was a little tight and really short. But it still was very cute - too small though really. Still I had a great time in the dressing room checking myself out. Even in my underwear. Sure, there's room for improvement - especially my lower half - but still all in all pleased with my progress.
I won't be where I want to be when the BF comes back, but it'll be close. Yep, so I've been a bit depressed because communication has been kind of sporadic with him because of unreliable internet in Africa. To think, a month ago I though I'd be in Europe waiting to meet up with him right now. Time does fly - even if your'e not having fun.
I've been focused on trying to find a job. Spending most of my days on Linked In trying to network and find jobs and companies. It's pretty much what I do at work now. Bad I know. It's one of the things I told the therapist when I saw him last friday. Where did my work ethic go? I know I used to have one. I was the girl working behind the counter at the movie theater mopping the floor during the shows just to keep busy. Now I'd be the girl with a book reading until a customer came in.
So, I met with a therapist last week. It was more of an assessment. He went over all my questionnaire info, turns out it was mapping my personality and despite not choosing many of the "strongly agree" it definitely got me pretty accurately. People pleaser, avoider, social anxiety etc. So we basically just talked about what was going on in my life that brought me there and I totally ended up crying. But I guess that's why I was there. There's a 6-8 week waiting list (it's a low cost clinic so that's not surprising) for an individual appointment, but I might be able to get into group therapy in two weeks. I'm not thrilled about that. I don't really think it helps to be around people with the same problems, plus it's not like they know what to do about depression either. In the mean time I'm reading up on how to combat jealousy and resentment. I know that if I can focus on myself and being a fufilled person that I could stop obsessing about my boyfriend and just accept that he loves me and doesn't need to call me every 5 minutes to tell me.
Oh and I'm considering if I can ever get to 115 and stay there for a good amount of time (a year?) that I might get another tattoo. I'm thinking some kind of ouroboros. The tattoo I already have I had the picture of for 2 years before I got it, so this is by no means a sure thing. Just a thought for now.
Anyway... this has gone on way too long.
Here's a picture (not me, but same height) of pretty much where I am at, and where I want to be.
2 comments:
Glad you are getting into therapy. Hopefully that will help work on you so that you can be more secure with your BF. Well, maintenance is way better then a gain and at least you are sticking to your work outs. Really 115 isn't all that far off.
Congrats on doing the perfect spiderman and one leg pushups!:D Those days when you're able to be in a dressing room and still be pleased are worth remembering (dressing room lights are so terribly unforgiving)! x) I'm glad you're working on your depression and jealousy, too many people are unwilling to do anything about their problems because it's so hard - kudos to you dear :)
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