What it really is...

okay, yes, I am disgusted with myself for allowing my post-vacation, happy-to-have-american-food binge to get way out of control. And I keep saying "tomorrow" is when I'll get it under control. Well, today I had cherry coke, M&Ms and popcorn for dinner. And a part of me still is looking around for more. If it weren't that I would have to cook something else, I'd still be eating. That's not exactly getting it under control.

I have a similar problem when ever I travel abroad. I spent alot of time in Britain a few years ago, I came home and was so depressed I watched soaps on my mom's couch for 6 months before getting a lame ass job at a movie theater. It's not that I have anything against coming home to America. I mean, this trip I was in the freaking BFE of S.E. Asia. It was dirty and smelly and gross. But amazing too. And oddly enough, if it weren't for the 17 hour plane ride, I'd go back right now and do it again. But the day before I left all I wanted was to get home. Eat an egg sandwich. See clean streets. Shower, exfoliate and have a mani-pedi. I know, I'm some sort of bi-polar traveler.

Once I was back to my comfort zone I was suddenly depressed about my regular job, my regular clothes, my regular house (which incidentally had some major malfunctions while I was gone). There is no "amazing" in my day to day life.

Add to the fact that my BF posted pictures of our vacation online - and conveniently left out any that I was in. Yeah, that's right, I was in NONE of the vacation pictures that he posted. He seems to think that I took this too personally and it was a silly thing to be upset over. Really? Because the fact that he has a girlfriend is NOWHERE evident on his FB page. I shouldn't take that personally? Social Media is not real life. I get that. But the only guys I know that don't acknowledge their GF on their pages are "keeping their options open". So, yeah, I take it personally. Granted, he rectified the situation as soon as we talked. But why do I have to ask?

I am taking these anti-malaria meds because of where I traveled. I've been on them almost 3 weeks and I swear they are messing with my body. I can't wait until I am done with them. I have to take them with a meal or with full fat milk or ice cream. As soon as I am done taking these things I am hardcore restricting.

In the mean time I'm going to try to do a little better each day.

Goals for the weekend:

Exercise - even if it's just push ups and sit ups
Eat my own food and absolutely no fast food

Starting on Monday I am going to do the Fat Smash diet again. I think that my body is craving a cleanse.