And then she reappeared...

I feel terrible for abandoning my blog for so long.  I did actually try to come write a few times, I'm just so flipping busy. Work isn't the same as before when I didn't do anything for hours on end. Yesterday I didn't even get to check email there was so much going on. I think I got up once for coffee, once for lunch, and once to pee before heading home for the day.

Working full time is a huge switch from before. I find it really difficult to get much done outside of work. I commute almost an hour each way, and I get an hour unpaid lunch, so I am gone from the house for 11 hours a day. If I actually sleep 8 hours (which I hardly ever do) that's 5 hours of actual at home time. 1 in the morning and 4 at night.

How does anyone accomplish anything with that kind of schedule!  The FH used to work full time and go to school at night. I don't understand how he managed it. I have 1 class. The freaking easiest online class I've encountered yet (the instructor is a rude dick head, but the class itself is easy). But, I do have a feelance project (which I should be working on right now), and a wedding to plan.

Lets face it, I let most things go in favor of wedding planning. I can't help it.  I get so freaking excited when I plan the wedding. I've had few minor stress moments, late nights where I can't sleep because I feel the need to make flower decision right now! and I've had two wedding anxiety dreams. One where they wouldn't let me try on any dresses and ended up in a library instead of a dress shop (I was on the wrong floor of the store). And one where it was the wedding and the photographer missed the ceremony (which took place in a really dingy, ugly reception hall) and two family members went missing when we were supposed to be taking pictures.

I am 2 weeks shy of the 6 month mark and most everything is settled. It's all details at this point. I have hired a DJ, a photographer, a "day of" coordinator who will also be my florist. We have settled on a caterer and a tent rental guy both of which are friends of FH's parents and are totally laid back about, telling us to get our final numbers and let them know what we need two weeks before the wedding and we can pay them then. They are really well known in the town that FH is from too, so I know they aren't saying this and then going to drop the ball the day of. The tent guy even said, if he has another wedding come up that day, he'll just go buy more tents!

The only thing I am actually freaking out about is my dress. I bought it at the end of January and I haven't seen it since. They say it won't come in until 6-8 weeks before the wedding --that's august. And I keep going through cycles of being excited about and thinking I made the wrong choice.  I fell in love with this Maggie Sottero dress years ago, but I  never got to try it on. I am afraid to go find it now because what if I love it, and I've already paid for mine. My mom was with me too, and I can't wear a different dress to the wedding than the one she helped me pick out.

The funny thing is the one I did buy, isn't that much different - it has no embellishments on the skirt and a smaller crystal on the waist, no lace at the bottom, and it's longer (though, thinking I'll get it hemmed to ankle/tea length). Oh, and mine is RED.

Which I think is the real thing that is freaking me out a little bit. I've always wanted a red wedding dress. But now that I have one, I'm worried that I'm just being different to be different. Of course, if I get a white dress, I'd only be doing it because I'm "supposed to."  It's just an F-ing dress!! why is it causing me so much anxiety?

Maggie Sottero Isadora Ann - the Dress that got away

 

My weight stuck firmly at a high point I feel too embarrassed to disclose. I know it is because I am inconsistent with my work outs and I eat like crap. I eat out nearly every day because it's easier.  I wake up so flipping early in the morning because I have to be at work at 5am, breakfast is usually gotten at Dunkin' Donuts on my way in. Then there is all the food that is kept in the office. My boss brings donuts once a week, we're always celebrating someone's birthday it seems once a month usually. And any time a big wig comes to town it's free lunch or breakfast or both his whole stay. And then I go out on the weekends with the BF. Argh.

Something's got to give there, because we are going to Mexico at the end of May and I really can't be this weight then.