It's monday

This weekend did not go so well.

I weighed in today (monday) way up from where I was on saturday. I'm hoping it's mostly water weight that will go down by tomorrow.

I drank alot this weekend as the BF and I went out multiple times. And I didn't keep my food intake down like I had in weekends past where I started and finished the weekend at the same weight.

Had a big discussion with the BF on Saturday night. Despite my being somewhat happier now that I have a good job that I like, I am finding that I am still feeling pretty insecure w/ the BF. I know this is stemming from the girl who's going to be in town soon.

We were already pretty tipsy at this point - and I felt bad because we were out with friends and we ended up off by ourselves for a good hour talking about stuff away from them - but sometimes I think that's how it happens when your inhibitions are down. I may not have had the courage to talk to him about some of this stuff otherwise.

One thing is his tendency to talk about people he's met, most often girls and about what cool people they are. It's extremely frustrating to be an introvert and have a huge flirt (just generally extroverted, will talk to anyone anytime for no reason at all) as a boyfriend. I know he's not trying to pick up any of these women, but it doesn't mean that I like hearing about all of these that he meets. And it's a catch-22, because I tell him he needs to open up to me about what goes on in his life - he tends to skip the "mundane" everyday stuff - and unfortunately it is this, the people he meets and talks to randomly everyday. So, I want to hear about his day, or I don't?

Of course he tells me that I am what he talks to these people about. And that he can tell me about them because I "eclipse them all." Yep he said that :) To which I promptly cried. No one has ever said something so sweet, loving or romantic to me, ever, in my whole life.

And I try so hard to hang on to it. I'm trying to take him at his word. I don't know why I find it so hard to do so. Why do I think I'm so unworthy that I can't keep his attention? Why am I so afraid that every time he's talking to another girl he's finding someone better than me?