Holidays

So, I went a little overboard after Halloween. The whole two weeks I was dieting I kept telling myself when I wanted something that I could have it after the party. Well, that was an incredibly bad thing to do. Because I just started buying and eating a whole bunch of shit mostly with cheese.

Odd thing, I have discovered that my body doesn't hate cheese as much as it hates milk. I've had a couple of actual cappuccinos lately and with in half an hour of drinking them I was in agony. Cheese however doesn't do that so much - not yet anyway. It's possible that 16oz of milk is more lactose, or whatever makes me feel nauseous, than the amount of cheese in a serving of ravioli. Don't know.

But anyway so yeah, after a couple of weeks of fries, nachos, candy, peirogies, ravioli, mac and cheese etc. I am unfortunately back where I started. I don't understand why I can't just choose to live a balanced, moderate, and healthy lifestyle? Why do I have a feast or famine attitude?

I was so happy with how I looked at Halloween. I was happy with my size (I was so close to getting into some clothes I have been hanging on to). It's sad, but amazing too, how just a few pounds could improve my looks and my mood. I liked how much better I looked in my clothes, how much better things felt to wear, how much flatter my tummy was.

Now I am faced with the BFs annual holiday party and I specifically got a dress this summer to wear. I wanted to wear it last year, but didn't want to pay full price, and didn't want to shove myself into the larger size. So yeah, I returned it after wearing a different dress to the party, but ended up finding it later on clearance for like $15. It's really form fitting, with a ruffle neck, and it's a gorgeous red, but it's satin so it's got some underlying black to it. I think it's perfect for upscale cocktail attire, and it's red which is perfect for the holiday and my favorite color.

The dress I want to wear, but mine is Red.

The problem is I bought the smaller size when it was on clearance. The brand (DJ Jaz @ JCPenny) runs very small, and I find I have to try on 2 or 3 sizes in any of the dresses to find the right one. And it does NOT fit anymore. Like I would bust the seams if I tried to sausage myself into it. I feel like such a fat ass right now. Part of that is my period - feeling bloated and gross - but part of it is my eating. I don't know why I think that  eating candy and pastries and tons of cheese will make me feel good, it is only "comfort food" for the length of time it takes to eat it. Then it's uncomfortable food.

So I have 3 weeks - the party is Dec 7 - to fit into it. The problem is I know if I go the super restrictive route like I have been I will just yo-yo right back up. Plus, there is Thanksgiving next week. And I will be with the BFs extended family for 4 or 5 days. So, now I am faced with a dilemma. I don't want to give up and buy a new dress. It's so much nicer than that picture looks and I've wanted to wear it for a whole year. But I don't want to go back to gaining weight by doing an extreme diet to get into it.  But what if I can't get into it without restriction and over-exercise?