The Mire

So I managed to let depression pretty much consume me for a whole month. I was crying all the time at home. Sabotaged myself at work - luckily I work for some nice people who have decided that after an apology they would forget it ever happened. Changed my hair, and pretty much binge ate and slept my way from thanksgiving until now.

I have not kept up with reading any blogs (or obviously blogged myself). I know my eating habits and lack of exercise are out of control, and I just couldn't bring myself to face the fact.

After the work fiasco and my BF basically telling me that I was doing this to myself and I had to make a decision I did. I looked at what I was unhappy about and what used to make me very happy.

So... I got off my ass and I got back to school, finishing up the semester not super strong, but with a little better of an attitude.

Contacted my old dance coach, booked some lessons and got on track to compete in March.

Talked to my voice coach and in January I will begin working on an audition piece for a local production of Hairspray that goes up in May.

Granted, I am currently 125.5 pounds. For the competition in March I'd like to be back to in 100-teens, maybe 115-110. For the audition in February I think I can only hope to be 120. Still, that will give me some time to adjust back to healthy eating and still have some wiggle room for Christmas with my Boyfriend's family. I literally have ZERO groceries in my house. I have been eating out 3 meals a day for weeks or getting fed at work lunch, pastries etc all day. So step one will be to menu plan and buy groceries so that I have breakfast and lunches for work. That is goal #1 for this coming week. Goal #2 between Xmas and New Years is H2O. I have not been drinking water like I should instead opting for lots of coffee and diet soda. I think that I have been feeling sluggish due to the horrible food (and feeling depressed) which makes me choose caffeine first.

After New Years, I will look at trying to cut down my sugar and cut my calories. I don't think it would be realistic to try doing that before New Years. If I say I am going to restrict over the Holidays I'll just be setting myself up for failure.

I am going to try to get to the gym though. I'm going to start with the treadmill and fitness classes. There are 3 of my gyms near me, my BF and work.

Those are the goals for now. Hopefully, I can get back on track soon.