Still preggo, wrapping my head around weight gain

So, I meant to be back sooner to post, but haven't (obviously). I don't want to turn this into a baby blog. I realize it's my life now, but it's not what I want this blog to be about.

Thanks for the comments Miranda and Tracy!

I don't know yet if I am actually excited about this baby. I mean, it's a baby, and even I like babies, so there is that. But beyond that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around what this means for me and my life, for my relationship with my husband and for our life together.

Part of the problem is that I am over the morning sickness, but haven't felt the baby yet. So I'm in this strange limbo of seeing my body change, but not having the reason be obvious yet. I don't know if I'm making much sense there.

Having kids was not a reality to me, even though I knew while dating my husband he wanted kids, it was an abstract thought. And I honestly don't really care for kids, which totally adds to my weird excited/not excited frame of mind.


I have gained 4 lbs so far. It's a couple under what my Dr. advised, but she's advising me gain 25 lbs and I really want to aim for 20, figuring I'll likely hit a little higher. Any less and I don't think the baby will be as healthy.

Selfishly too, my brother is getting married in September, and even though I know I cannot realistically have my gain be all bump because I started out overweight, I'd like to look cute pregnant and not fat pregnant.

To that end I've been eating mostly healthy. I give in to a candy now and then, and McDonalds fries every couple weeks. I hadn't eaten McDonalds in over a decade and now I crave their fries. Stupid hormones.  But for the most part I try to be good, but not restrictive. My Fitness Pal account is now set to .5 lb gain a week, but I generally don't count calories,  only when I think I might be under-eating.

I go swimming 3 times a week most weeks and do Susan Bowen's prenatal workouts 2 to 3 times a week as well. This week is going to be an exception because of the holiday coming up, but on days I don't work out, I'm generally walking alot. So I think it evens out.

Even so... the idea of intentionally gaining weight is hard. I'm also pretty mad that I couldn't be more disciplined before I got pregnant to have lost the weight then.  I mean I just let pound after pound creep up on me by eating like crap and sporadically exercising always saying "I'll make up for it tomorrow" but never following through.

Granted now I have to be concerned with someone else's health, but weirdly being pregnant is also sort of triggering for me. I weigh myself almost every day. I have a chart and I congratulate myself when I don't gain. But I also manage to adjust my self talk when I gain, because I'm supposed to gain. In a weird way it's working since I'm pretty close to on track.  I just hope that it stays that way as I continue to gain, get bigger and watch my body change.